Beauty Everywhere

I've been coloring...trying to get in tune with my creativity...the left side of my brain (I think?) Anyways, for all of you artists out there...please don't laugh at my *a-maturity.* (that's an Alyssa original.) I'm trying my best to start filtering out some of the noise in my life....spend a little more time relaxing and rejuvenating my spirit by other means than merely turning on the television....I think it's working. Isn't color just wonderful? It amazes me how taking a pen in hand and scribbling a design, then filling it in with blues and greens and a touch of purple...sometimes bold orange - I can see the ACTUAL picture in my mind...I can smell the flowers I'm coloring...I can feel the sun's warmth...I can even imagine the texture of the leaves. God gave us a precious gift when He gave us color.

  Trin has found an entirely different way to relax. She has transported herself back in time...a time when there was no electricity, when boys and girls played with sticks and scraps of material for fun, when teens had their "coming out parties" and rolled their hair using white cloth .... she has become Beth, from Little Women. Yesterday she died a total of 6 times...once she laid in her bed for 2 hours straight...just now and then calling weakly "Jo, dear Jo...I'm going to die you know?" I would nod to her sadly "I know dear sweet Beth, what will I ever do without my best friend?" She just batted her eyelashes at me and said "I'll see you in heaven Jo...you and Marmy." Then she died...and immediately turned into Meg. She walked up to her pretend mother, tea kettle in hand and said "Marmy, Jo just died okay?" just as casually as one might say "today sure is cloudy." She takes death very....well.

  Look at our early spring gift we found in the yard last week...buds! Not only buds, but bumble bees buzzing and bumbling about and gathering pollen already...this early. I wasn't even aware that bees were ALIVE in January...if I had the choice to die one month a year and then come back I would DEFINITELY choose January to be my dead month for sure. January is so cold...and I just don't think my body should be chilled after Christmas. Plus, there is the whole sugar high after Christmas...and crashing from it. Feeling exhausted from being indoors and making resolutions that are almost impossible to keep. However, if I was dead I would miss my anniversary and Zac's birthday and I would hate for him to celebrate alone....guess I'll just have to live - wouldn't want to miss my one chance to eat chocolate cake with a good excuse.

  I know the kids are ready for the warm weather....Tristan runs to the door at every opportunity and says"Mama...open...outside?" I generally have to shake my head no and tell him it's raining, or that it's thirty degrees outside and windy - seems like a crime to tell your kids they can't play outside. He then thinks I'm being mean for no reason...and starts trying to put his shoes on himself in a "I'll show her who's going outside" fashion. Then he stands there, mumbling to himself..running his foot along the carpet...trying hard not to cry. I then of course cave - get his coat and say "Go ahead buddy...have fun out there...it's cold!" Then I kind of push him out the door....can't stand whining you know. I watch him from the window...his throwing rocks up in the air never gets old. About three long minutes later...I hear footsteps on the porch and watch the gold door knob twisting back and forth...his feeble attempt to let himself in. I open the door and he trudges past me "mama...it chilly cold." I welcome him back in.

 We've been eating watermelon  and lots of lemon - that's sure to help bring on the summer mood (notice how I just completely skipped over spring and went to summer?) I've even bought Trin's bathing suit (Lands End...free shipping...5 bucks thank you very much.) She's already planning her vacation to the beach and all of the things she will do and all of the oceans she will swim in and all the people she will see - ah these kids, so much imagination and they never seem to shut up X 4. It's good chatter though..it's fun listening to their head's spinning.
 Meg comes to me this afternoon and says "Jo...look what I found...a mouse gun!" I looked at the twig in her hand....."where did you find that Meg?" I questioned. "Oh" she says in a very adult voice "it was in the woods...where the mouse shot Beth." Poor Beth just can't win...always seems to get the short end of the stick (no pun intended.)
  I love my littles so much...I hope so badly that I will never in any ways squelch their creativity...try to make them who I want them to be - I pray that I will be a source of joy and support in their lives...I hope I can nurture them, teach them right from wrong - I pray that they will desire what is RIGHT not because of fear but because of accepting love from their perfect Heavenly Father.

 Motherly love is not much use if it expresses itself only as a warm gush of emotion, delicately tinged with pink. It must also be strong, guiding and unselfish. The sweetly sung lullaby, the cool hand on the fevered brow, the Mother's Day smiles and flowers are only a small part of the picture. True mothers have to be made of steel to withstand the difficulties that are sure to beset their children.
- Rachel Billington

 Sometimes it makes me so sad that my kids have to grow up in a world that is so dirty... so full of hatred and greed and selfishness. It makes me sad that Trin isn't always going to be Meg playing at death and thinking that's it's just a simple part of life that doesn't really hurt. But then I HAVE to remember that without our God I am selfish and greedy and hateful...and so are my sweet babies. They were born into an imperfect world, and although they (especially my little Finn who is so little and soft) seem perfect to me...the Bible says that "we all have fallen short." None of us are as clean and as pure as our Maker. But He reaches out to us anyways....He forgives us anyway and says "follow me" and "trust me." And then..when we do, there is a shelter for us...there is joy for us and life.
 And the fun thing...the good thing...is that there is beauty. There are unexpected blossoms growing on trees, and watermelon in January, and vivid imagination - there are lemons and giggles and chocolate birthday cakes. It's the simple things.....