Thankfulness

Trinity and I were reading the book "I Want to Be More Like Jesus" the other day. At the bottom of each page is a simple Bible memory...I was super inspired to do a quick project with the kids. I feel as if I'm getting some of our "rhythm" back, but I'm not where I would like to be. I feel as if I spend the majority of my days hiding from the kids, dodging situations where I need to play with them - just thinking of doing crafts or baking with them totally mentally exhausts me. A few nights ago I stayed awake forever, I'm not really sure why because I was SO tired - and then I started thinking about things that I hadn't thought about for awhile. I started feeling convicted and my heart became really heavy and I felt so...so...guilty. I realized that I haven't been thankful...not truly deeply thankful...for a long long time. I haven't felt just simple peace and that strong desire to teach my littles through living my life...instead I've been doing a bunch of consequences and giving them a lot of alone time (aka time to brood, pout, and feel rejected.)
I had a long conversation with God that night...and i instantly knew why it was that I couldn't sleep. He was calling me, wanting me to listen ...and I finally came to a breaking point after weeks and weeks of purposefully not listening. I've realized that I've been believing a few lies and that has opened the door for me to accept a bunch of lies, it's caused me to doubt my faith and my morals and my very person in Christ. It's effected my parenting tremendously and I've realized that when I don't have joy...neither do my littles.
Children deserve to look in a face that is full of love and light and happiness. I know, I've always known (just sometimes it's a challenge to pull off) is that for my face to be joyful, my insides have to be thankful. The verse from Trinity's book that *slapped me in the face* was ...

I will thank the Lord at all times.

My lips will always praise him.

- Psalm 34:1

I have to be thankful. I have to thank God for my dirty dishes because it means I have dishes. I have to thank God for bills because it makes me not take things for granted. I have to thank God for the friends I have that are far away and remember that I will have years of opportunities to make new ones. I thank God for a little girl that is slowly becoming challenging because it will teach me to reflect on my own attitudes and what she is seeing in me. I thank God for Aspergers...I thank Him I thank Him I thank Him. I thank Him because it has opened my eyes and I can see in a way where most people will never be able to. I might be able to help someone or serve someone or make someone feel special because I 100% *get it.*
I had the kids draw a picture of the things that they are thankful for...a food, a game, something from nature and a person. Brady drew a picture of a pickle (he likes the shock factor that that's his favorite food) and then a flower and a Star Wars movie (he is currently Aniken Skywalker sp?) and then his person is his Granddaddy. I think I almost cried at his sweet simple list.

I didn't give Trin a "list" of things to draw...I just said simply "whatever you're thankful for." It seems like me and fruit are at the top of her list. :) I'm so looking forward to the upcoming school year and being able to do more organized projects with Trin...she loves to learn so much. I'm excited about homeschooling her for kindergarten (more on that in another post.)

And then we had green tea....always a lovely way to have a few moments of quite and to feel *comforted.*

And a great way to celebrate someone losing their FIRST tooth. :) He has a slight lisp now and I'm so excited that the tooth next to his missing one is about to leave us forever as well. He's gonna sound so cute when he talks. :)

And just for kicks....wanted to show my readers my *wall project* I completed a couple weeks ago. I love it - I've been planning it for 3 years but I needed to wait until our family was complete...

I love sitting in my little leather chair, directly across from these faces...and looking at each person and thinking of them and their unique personalities...being able to pray and appreciate each person separately. As Martha Stewart would say "It's a good thing."

And last but not least...another good thing? Dirt and a pool filled with water and measuring cups and an assortment of mama's kitchen gadgets, dirt for tasting (when I'm not looking) and freshly mowed grass. And.....

My future garden spot!!!!!! Next week we will have tomatoes and green beans and a little herb garden...and hopefully flowers. I like roses and everything but they are by FAR not my favorite flower...and that's all we have. A girl needs more variety, something wild .... to feel at home.

So there I leave you....what are you thankful for today?