Feb 2, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I'm home...have been for 4 days. I'm just NOW starting to get into the swing of things since this is Zac's first day back at work. Last week (Monday the 8th)I received the call that my Granny Toole had passed away....I got the news while I was on my way to drop Zac off at the local shuttle (he was flying to Denver .) So, in a crazy laundry, cleaning, packing, shopping, phone call filled day I was able to make arrangements for Brady and Trin to stay with friends the following 2 days. It was difficult trying to *take care of business* and grieve at the same time. I thought of my poor mom often and how hard she had been working for the last 2 months...sometimes wanting to just stop and mourn but needing to plug away at all of the paperwork and phone calls...decisions. I'm glad now she can start her grieving process - I think it will be a relief to allow herself to start really feeling.
So...the next day our little family was in 4 different states...Zac in Colorado, me in Florida, Brady in Georgia and Trin in Tennessee. :) Very strange...yet I knew the kids were safe and the people watching them love our kids so much. It truly is a comfort to just have *someone* you know and trust close by...even if it's just one or two people. Sometimes I complain so much about not having very many relationships but I guess I'm learning it's not really the quantity of friends you have...but rather...the quality.
It was a sad time in Florida...just very hard saying goodbye to someone who will now be a "memory" instead of an active part of my life. It was also difficult being away from Zac for (hold your breath now) .... FIVE days. I almost feel guilty about calling it a *hardship* since both of my sister in laws have to be away from their loves for months...now a year...at a time. I just tell myself I'm not trained in that department. :) It's so strange how almost every time I have ever faced a crisis Zac has always been at work...on a soccer tournament...and this time in Denver. I was pondering this revelation for awhile the other day and I came to a conclusion - I think it's because maybe I would depend on him to make the situation right...or maybe I would take my anger or hurt out on him...and then expect him to pick up the pieces and put me back together again. As wonderful as he is this isn't his job...and I think that maybe God has kept us apart at these times so that I would lean on Him....His strong capable arms holding me....His voice being the only one that can comfort me. I think this is why.
It was wonderful being able to catch up with Josh. He's leaving soon and I'm not sure when I'll see him again...it was great being able to laugh together and to share. Josh has such strong convictions...I love the way he expresses himself - very intensley but I like that. He's such a loyal soldier - I'm so glad he loves his job. I sometimes really ache inside that I don't *know* his children. I wish so badly that I could REALLY be their Tia. Hopefully someday they will.
My Granny Windham let me stay with her and it was such a pleasure to hold a cup of ginger tea in the evenings and listen to her stories. One night I had her take 2 hours and tell me about her entire life...all the little details she could think of. Hmmm...future novel? Who knows...the time was lovely and the story VERY interesting. Such a hard life she's had and yet she loves her Savior and is so sweet and such a servant. Granny Windham is precious.
So...we're back together as a family now...the way it should be. Zac had his 27th birthday on the 31st and he and I were able to spend a whole afternoon away together. So much fun to be with my best friend for SIX hours without anyone else around...no one else to take my attention away from my love. I love Zac's hands...they have always been my most favorite thing about him. I think I have them totally memorized...every little dimple and scuff mark...the chewed down fingernails...the soft blonde hairs that just barely show in the sun....they're so strong and capable. I'm glad to have such strength in my other half. I love you Zac Corley...happy birthday.
Today is cold and rainy and today's goal is just to focus on my littles and make them all feel special and like they "exist" to mama. Speaking of that...the littlest (biscuit) is crying so I'm off. Much love,
Alyssa

1 comment:

CorleyAunt said...

I LOVE the way you write! You are a treasure, my dearie!

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