Introducing Our Newest

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
(Psalms 127:3-5 ESV)

I'm happy to introduce the newest addition of our family to you.....Finnian Arrow Corley. Zac and I are so proud of our new son and are both totally smitten with him. It feels like we have been waiting on him forever - even though in reality it's only been 9 months. Well...maybe in reality it's been 9 years since we always talked about having 4 children from the very beginning of our relationship. Finn has totally come into our lives and we are feeling so very complete.


The name Finn is Irish/Gaelic and means "fair"...and our Finn is indeed good lookin.' He came out with the best complexion and so very alert and...well....large (but we'll get to that.) His middle name Arrow is a bit different but we named him that to basically confirm what we believe about children...that they are indeed a blessing. My pregnancy with Finn came at a pretty trying time for us as a family. We already had 3 small children and society was beginning to make us feel a little dumb. We were told several times "what? oh my word how can you handle that" or "children are so expensive" or even "don't you think you've contributed enough to the planet's population." It would have been very easy to doubt what God tells us is *good* and to believe that we had made a mistake...that we wouldn't be able to be good parents to ALL of the kids, that we couldn't provide for them on one small income...that our oldest is special needs and adding one more to the family would be irresponsible.
God tells us that children our "arrows in the hand of a warrior." Children are tools that He uses in our lives for good...children can open relationships up with others, they allow us to in a small sense understand God's love for His Son, they give us a sense of *purpose*, they provide opportunities to serve others and to be served. Children are a weapon against selfishness and loneliness, and hopefully when they are older they will be good friends and even take care of us in return for our good care of them. Let me also state that God doesn't say what type of "child"...he simply says "children." This means ALL...adopted, premature, children of all races, kids with disabilites...all different personalities. Any child is an *arrow.*

So, we named him Finnian Arrow to tell the world that this pregnancy was no mistake and that God tells us that He will never give us more than we can handle. Let me also say that learning about Brady's Asbergers the month before Finn was born was also a good thing...I see how God timed Brady's diagnosis perfectly. I think that if maybe we would have known last year what we know now ...we may have chosen to not add another family member...I'm so thankful that we have our sweet baby.

And now for a very short run down on what happened....and I'm keeping it short ONLY because I'm tired and ready to be done typing now. :)

Friday Zac's mom was sweet enough to watch the kids for us so we could go on a three mile hike to a waterfall. Yessssss indeed...I walked 1.5 miles uphill. The next day the whole family went on a two mile hike...again adding some hills and going at a pretty brisk pace. That night (well, Sunday early morning) I woke up with spotting and some contractions. When I say "some" I mean only two in a hour. They were like that until about 9 in the morning where then they were 15 minutes apart. By 11 am they were about 10 minutes apart and not super intense...but significant. Zac and I went grocery shopping and went to Panera for a smoothie lunch. There was once during my meal that my contraction was super intense and I was trying not to glare at the people at the table next to me (they weren't even looking at me...it's just the way I get when I'm having contractions folks.) We went home so I could rest but then every time I had a contraction it was really intense but still 10 minutes apart so I wanted to wait it out.

At 2 pm zac asked me if I was ready to go to the hospital and I looked at him and said "are you ready for me to go to the hospital?" He said he was. :) So, we got in the car and by the time we had gotten just a mile down the road I had to have him stop the car so I could get out and get through the contraction...by the time we had gotten half way to the hospital (about 15 minutes in the car) they were three minutes apart and I was feeling very VERY upset. When we got to the hospital I jumped out of the minivan and wanted to run. I've never felt so crazy in all my life...if I could imagine having the "shakes" from some crazy addiction...I think that's what it would feel like.

We ran into the hospital and threw my admission papers at the nurse, I wouldn't lay down except for them to check me and I was 8 cm dialated...the doctor was 20 minutes away so they prepared the room as I walked all around the room making crazy remarks about how I couldn't believe this was happening to me and I just needed to push...the doctor got there and checked me and said "ok, we're having a baby." I laid back and screamed like a amazon woman...and popped that "little" dude out.....all 9 lbs 13 oz of him - 100% naturally...not even a numbing shot. I was checked in at 2:50 pm and he was born at 3:50 pm. Let me just say...I am so thankful that Zac was ready for me to get to the hospital or HE would been delivering Finn in the Ford Windstar on the interstate.

Diagnosis

I've written most of our family an update on Brady's appointment but will also share here too...sorry if it is a bit redundant for some of you. :) Zac and I met this morning with the dr. and went over Brady's test results...lots of graphs and charts that compare his *skills* with other kids his age. His verbal skills (as far a what he understands conversationally and his vocabulary) were pretty much through the roof. Then when it came to math skills or anything that required any type of attention span was extremely poor. His coordination wasn't good...he couldn't complete tasks like standing on one leg or walking with one foot in front of the other....he couldn't really wipe his nose by himself...stuff like that. Also his social skills and the chart that shows his levels of *frustration* and anxiety were also through the roof...a normal kids would be in the 80 to 100 range and Brady was past 120. So, all that to say that Brady has been officially diagnosed with Asbergers Syndrome, he also tested very high for ADHD (kind of goes with Asbergers) and he will also need speech therapy as he studders VERY badly when he gets excited at all. My mind has been whirling all day...I knew this would be the outcome but there's just something about talking to a professional and looking at charts and graphs and all that jazz - it was just so real. Basically Brady has no type of sensor on social skills, he has no self control. He immediately does what comes to mind and Zac and I have had to closely moniter every move he makes for years now...it is exhausting. We were advised to continue some type of therapy for our family as having a child with Aspergers puts a huge strain on your family dynamics. Things have been this way for awhile...simple things like going to a restaurant or over to someone's house for dinner have basically been out of the question for us for years. The mall, church, VBS, play dates...anything....has presented a huge challenge. So...now that we have a diagnosis we are hopeful that we can now find someone to help us with tools - Brady doesn't respond to discipline or correction like an average child would....he doesn't have empathy for others....he is obsessive when his life changes in any way. Right now with the baby coming, well...the Dr. said that we can just expect him to be very obsessive and volatile.He senses that something is happening and it's upsetting to him. Dr. McGee said that he knows of no good programs in this area for children with Asbergers and that no schools in Hamilton County cater to this type of disability. I'm realizing more and more that I'm not going to be able to teach him at home...I will if we stay here...but this is one of the reasons why we long to move to an area where there will be more resources for our Brady Bunches. We have an overflowing amount of love for him and want to be the best parents we can be...at the same time there is a part of us that feels defeated and totally exhausted with the daily task of just living with him. I know that sounds harsh...but it is our reality and it's best to face the emotions instead of trying to ignore them or cover them up. I wish I was handling this whole situation with a little more grace and dignity but right now it just hurts. It's hard realizing that expectations you have for your life...good expectations...aren't necessarily the ones that God has for you.

Holland

Zac took Brady yesterday morning for his first one on one with D. McGee. Really all that the testing involved was Brady answering questions, drawing pictures...that sort of thing. Not really much to tell there, we're just still plugging away trying to make sense out of what our *new* life might involve. To be honest, this week I've been quite sad. I've had extreme ups and downs - feeling so happy that we are getting answers and will be equipped with tools that will help our family function, and there is another part of me that is grieving the *idea* of a life that isn't going to be my reality. I love Brady so much and wouldn't trade him for another child EVER...but I feel lonely and confused...lonely in a way that I've never felt before. I think it comes from just knowing that most of my friends can't fully relate to what we are going through...they are very kind and understanding...but they just don't get it. It's like when you have a specific pain and you try so hard to explain it to someone and they ask if there is anything they can do..but they don't feel it. My sister in law Cari called me the other night and was a huge source of encouragement for me. Not only does she have two adopted children (and there are struggles there) but also a child with Fragile X - I think she is going to be one of the tools God uses in our lives...she has so much knowledge now that she's been down the road of *Special Needs* for over 16 years. Anyways, she shared this poem with me that is puts my feelings into words and actually made me cry the first time she read it to me because it's just...well....it.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by Emily Perl Kingsley c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.

You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum.

The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands.

The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books.

And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.

But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around....and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ..... about Holland.

For Sale....

I've been doing what I'm best at....decluttering. Seriously though...where does it all come from? I get rid of a bag a week - it's always my goal. Everytime I go through the house cleaning, ANYTHING I find that isn't used on a weekly basis or that doesn't fit quite right, or that I don't ABSOLUTELY love...get's tossed. This has made living in a smaller place much easier. It's funny because last week for a Bible study I was suppose to ask zac what I do that makes him feel loved...he cracked me up by saying "you keep the house organized so I don't go crazy." Ha ha...him and me both.

Ecspecially when you are getting a house ready to sell it's SO important to clean out every spot...allowing the buyer to actually view the space instead of your personal possessions. This picture above is off our office space (this is "pre-clutter" clearing) that I just wanted to show family that has seen our house but never the back room turned into an office. Brady also sleeps back here on a fold out mattress that we have to lay down and make up every night. Can I just say that I am SOOO ready for my sweet little boy to have his very own space? I have so many ideas of how to decorate it and how to set it up so that he will have a nice area to play and imagine....a little desk for his computer and shelves for books on *intellectual* subjects. :) Brady is currently into reading nutrition labels on ALL of our food - it's so funny to hear him say "oh my gosh, this has WAY to many calories."

Here's the living room space and dining room...children do NOT come with the house even though Zac and I teased Trinity yesterday that we were going to sell her too. Brady freaked out (don't worry, we explained it was a joke) but Trinity being such a social butterfly just wanted to know what the names of the people in her new family would be. Nice to know how very attatched to us she is.

All in all, it has been a very busy yet productive week for the Corley family. We basically got the house *in shape * all week...Zac and I successfully wore ourselves out. But, I'm pleased to announce that today there is a sign in the yard and a lock box on my front door. Our realtor constantly calls our house charming and "a little doll house" and loves it. He says it is turn key - unfortunately houses the size of our home are selling for much less then we need to sell our house for with all of the foreclosures. BUT, like our realtor (Matt) says...and I totally agree....all of those houses are so very ugly and not updated at all. Seriously...they look horrible. So, please remember to pray for a buyer for us - we know God will bring one along when it is time - but this waiting game is getting pretty exasperating. Hmmmm...I know,I know....once again my *trusting* issue is coming into play.

Anyways, we're feeling pretty accomplished with getting the house fixed up and officially listed, Brady's first appointment done, Zac is flying out on Saturday for his week long stay in Denver...I'm on my way to being 36 weeks - things are definitely moving along. My list of *things to be done* is gradually becoming smaller. EXCEPT, I did realize that I still need a baby book for Finn, a neautral diaper bag (man friendly), and a baby blankie. Yikes. I was seriously freaking out the other night because I realized that I have totally forgotten to get him a baby book and that I would go into labor early and have nothing to get his little footprints on. I'll be taking care of this issue TODAY.

These last pictures are just to show off some of my favorite "newness." I cleared more space out in our bedroom and I love the way it turned out. I LOVE light greens and light blues mixed with chocolate brown - I think I always have but it is by far my most favorite color combination...so very calming. Calm = Neccessity in my life right now.

And last but not least...we have officially re done our bathroom. The pink sink is no longer...

Zac worked two long days(sometimes Brady helped) and I have decided that my hubby is definitely a true handyman...

I mean - just lookie here! Isn't it lovely? We used the left over butcher block from our kitchen to make a new vanity top, and just chose a simple white basin sink and then we used glass tiles for the border. I LOVE those tiles and they were so easy to install...I like the fact I can now envision things, ask Zac to bring them to pass, and he can do it.

This week is basically just going to be full of errands and family time and getting things ready for Zac's trip. Brady has his second appointment (his first one on on with Dr McGee) this upcoming Thursday and I have tons of personality questionaires to fill out.

I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday...once again I'm sorry for the rather long and crazy post.

First Appointment

Okay...so horrible blurry picture - but I needed one of my *subject.* I just wanted to give a quick update about Brady's appointment today as I know that ecspecially our family is anxious to hear the news.

Basically, the three of us (Brady, zac, and myself) sat down with Dr. McGee...a Christian child specialist....and started out the appointment us basically telling him what has been going on in Brady's life for the past three years. Gosh - talk about making you think. I mean, there are some things that are super *different* about Brady that I don't normally even think about anymore - I've just kind of accepted them and have learned to basically deal and to "cope" with them - so actually thinking about everything was a little overwhelming for me...and a bit relieving.

After telling the Dr. about his high sensitivity to noises, smells, movement...his extreme frustration...his high IQ and his obsessiveness we then filled out a paper where we had to check off things that would be relavent to Brady. You know what I mean....like "which ones of these things are true for your child"...anyways, Zac and I checked EVERYTHING. ALL of the things were relevant and all of them were things that stimulate Brady and usually cause meltdowns and behavior craziness. The Dr. had folded down the top of the paper so that we couldn't see what it was he was kind of "testing" for but in the end he showed us that it was for Asperger's Syndrome.

This wasn't a big surprise for us since we have kind of guessed for the last couple of years that Brady might fall in that category...and then lately we have been more and more sure of it but not wanting to put our child in a box or self diagnose. Dr. McGee was very quick to tell us that he would NOT diagnose Brady after just a 40 minute session....so he is scheduled over the next 5 weeks to have 5 hours of testing. Brady was a good boy and displayed his total self while we were there....solving puzzles, whisteling constantly, obsessed with which number was on the door...all that good stuff that makes him Brady. :)

I think in the end I feel a sense of hope that we will be receiving answers soon and will know how to better help our child function in his world. I've realized that even if we don't want to put him in a box...the truth is...some people are. I mean, no one wants to admit that they are bi polar or depressed...or that they have cancer - but this is just the simple truth of living in a fallen world where sin exists. There are so many behaviors that he displays that if you deal with them in a *normal* manner it is very frustrating for him and in the end produces no positive results. My prayer is that we would learn how to help him to be productive and to learn how to calm down some of his frustrations, how to help our family be more *peaceful.*

So, I guess what I would ask is that everyone that reads my blog who is an active member in our lives or would like to pray for us - for you to just look up Asbergers sometime so that you can get a better idea of what is going on with our little dude. Even if in the end evaluation this isn't what they are 100% sure that he has....it is VERY VERY close. I want Brady to be understood...and I know that just the person walking on the street or in the grocery store isn't going to understand him...but I would like our friends and family to. This will also help ME out in that I am usually very nervous about other's being around Brady...that they will unknowingly talk to him in a way that he doesn't understand or is hurtful to him...or that they will expect things from him that just aren't realistic.

So, there you have it in a nutshell. We have paperwork to fill out this week and then I take him back for his first one on one with Dr. McGee next week. Thank you for your love and support...

Alyssa

My Little Red Cap

Be prepared for extreme cuteness....EXTREME. Aunt Kate sent Tristan this hilarious hat...at first I couldn't decide what I thought about it...I'm not indecisive anymore. I LOVE it. It was a bit chilly out this afternoon (it's so nice saying chilly instead of freezing) so I needed to keep Tristan's head covered...except the little Koala won't EVER keep a hat on. This one has a snap under the chin...problem solved!

And talk about bringing out the roses in those cheeks!!!

Big sister thought he was pretty cute too.

Today was really enjoyable for me...full of projects and organizing. Our back room/office/storage/Brady's bedroom needs MUCH work. I need it to be used in several ways but it needs to look like it has a *purpose* for when it goes back on the market. So...I'm trying my best to make it look like an office without spending much money - if any. I love a good challenge...I started today making some changes and the rest will need to wait on my hubby and some paint. :)

In other super exciting news....I'm getting a new oven and dishwasher tomorrow! Ours are from the 80's so we decided to go ahead and just update them....still just plain white (no stainless steel people) and Lowe's is delivering them tomorrow! We went to Home Depot first and they had an oven on sale that we liked...but we then went to Lowe's and they matched it and then took an additional 10% off....kerching!

Brady asked me last night what color our new oven would be. When I told him that they were white he said "mom, why do you keep getting white?" I told him that since we are trying to sell our house we are updating things but not wanting to pour in a ton of money...but that someday I would like to have stainless steel in our *forever home.* He said he prefers black...just like his daddy. :) Pictures soon to come....

What TV Is Teaching My Kid

Every evening we watch Wheel of Fortune with Brady because he LOVES trying to solve the puzzles, he loves hearing the prices of the trips, and he always notices what Vanna is wearing. Here are some of the things that he has said as a result of 30 minutes of tv with commercials...so funny!

Conversation #1
Me : " We need to go get groceries today."
Brady : "okay, and if you're a little short on cash you can take our car to Title Max."

Conversation #2
Trinity : "My belly is a little itchy."
Brady : "You will have to get some Aspercream."

Conversation #3
Brady "I'm a lot better looking than Pat " (referring to the host of the show)

Kids say the funniest things. Brady also thinks now that $1000.00 dollars is way to much money but that we should be able to jump on an airplane AS A FAMILY and just fly to the Caribbean or Puerto Rico at a moments notice. Thanks Wheel.

Cleaning, Vaccinations, and Sugar Free

I'm writing this post not to brag about how much I do everyday...but rather...to actually DOCUMENT that I DO work even though at the end of the day the house is still a mess. I mean....really?!!!!! These two feet of mine are burning, my ribs are about to crack from lugging Finn around all day (he likes to ball himself up right under my ribcage on the right side and STAY there for HOURS) and there is still a load of dishes in the sink....toys on the floor....and the kid's room is a mess. It's currently 8 pm and I've had a 13 hour day - I'm done.
Here's what I've accomplished:
~ cleaned out the fridge and scrubbed the inside
~ two loads of laundry (washed, folded, put away)
~ washed two sink loads of dishes
~ washed Finn's clothes and organized his baby drawer just in case I have him 12 weeks early :)
~ taken care of two kids with runny noses...one is teething (that says enough in itself)
~ packed up a gift for a friend and wrote a letter (as in...paper and ink)
~ taken care of three kids (meaning...at their beck and call all day...bathing them, preparing meals, cleaning up meals, washing hands, playing, soothing,....being a mother)

For all of my peeps out there that think I'm some superwoman homemaker that always has a spotless house - let's just keep it real. The picture at the top of my post is of dishes that were ALL taken out of my fridge with moldy food in them. That's right...some of the moldy masterpieces I actually had to look at for awhile and guess what it use to be. I think I discovered at least 7 different type of fungus. Gross. I obviously need to write "clean the fridge" a little MORE often in my Mom's Plan Book.

Three guesses at what the above photo is. Here's your hints...
1. It spent 3 weeks in my fridge uncovered
2. It's a food I HATE that we never buy - except this one time which is why it spent 21 days untouched
3. It was purchased when we were all sick

Got it? And the answer is........dried up Jello. Pretty cool looking.


What's amazing is that even after ALL of my housekeeping shortcomings, my love still thought I deserved a Valentine's massage. He texted me yesterday these lovely words "I have a surprise for you." I answered back "I love surprises." When he got home he had two bars of dark chocolate and a bouquet of daisies....my two favorite things (In the words of Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail "they're such a friendly flower.") I was elated and VERY surprised. He then handed me a card and said "that wasn't your surprise"....and Lo and Behold....I squealed! I had a pre natal massage when I was pregnant with Trinity and it was absolute heaven - I'm looking forward to a repeat experience. Isn't he wonderful?

Daisies are so simple yet so fresh and *sunny * looking. Trinity has walked around the house with one of them all day long...I gave Tristan one but he just tore off the petals.

And this little tid bit is totally random but I forget if I mentioned in an earlier post that we are doing a sugar detox (I know, I know.....chocolate isn't necessarily sugar free...so sue me) and it has been WONDERFUL. We've been eating lots of rice and beans, yogurt with frozen blueberries....scrambled eggs and fruit. We are really trying to back off of so much *bready* food...even if it IS whole wheat. Zac is by no means overweight but he has a very difficult time keeping it that way...he has to work out ALL the time or he can put on like 3 lbs in a week. We're beginning to think that maybe gluten is a problem for him? Also, with Brady and his issues...until we find out exactly what is wrong - we're going to basically put him on a gluten free and sugar free diet. I usually monitor sugar but I've never watching gluten is something new for me...we'll see if there are any behavior changes for him.

One little moment of happiness today was my task of beginning to prepare for Finn. Getting his little diapers out and his Robeez...little itty bitty onesies....I swear I could almost smell him. I LOVE the smell of a baby. I'm so excited about him joining our family...I haven't been scared of the actual birth at all...as in the "pushing the baby out" part. One part that I'm constantly thinking about and scared of is the confrontation with the nurses when i get to the hospital and announce that I don't want them to vaccinate him or put the drops in his eyes.

With Tristan I went to the hospital BEFORE the birth, had my birth plan written out...legal documents printed and signed stating that we didn't want any vaccination given. After all of this, I STILL had to fight the nurses and basically felt like I had the plague or something the day of Tristan's birth. I'm lying there, contractions shaking my body...and the nurse staring at me like I had some type of mental disorder and was the worst possible mother because I was choosing this for our baby. Even the next day while I'm in recovery the pediatrician on call came in to my room to discuss my "decision" with me. And people wonder why it is that I longed for a homebirth so badly this time around.

I guess I'll just stick to my guns like I did last time - I really do think that this is the best decision for OUR family and even though it would be easier and less controversial for me just to smile at the professionals and say "you know best" ....I honestly don't feel that way deep inside so therefor wouldn't have peace with that decision. I was at the WIC office last week (guess I just announced what income bracket we fall under) and the nutritionist there was telling me about how a baby came in earlier with six band aids on her legs. When they asked the mom why the baby had so many..usually there are "only" three from vaccines at a time...the mom said that the nurses at the doctor's office accidentally gave the baby the wrong vaccinations first and then went ahead and gave her the right ones two. OH MY GOSH. Sorry....but I'm not willing to let my babies be guinea pigs. When I looked at my shot records from childhood I was given 12 shots total...in my WHOLE childhood. Brady was given 33 in his first 24 months.

And speaking of my Brady, look at this cheesy smile...can anyone else say "HAM" ? Remember last week how Brady was having a terrible week with meltdown after meltdown? This week I have had 3 days of straight 5 year old bliss...he has been an angel. Thank you God. Sunday morning he woke up in a very good mood (also the day we started no sugar) and he's KEPT that mood. I'm so glad because honestly...I needed a little break to build up some patience.

To Almond or Not?

Hmmmm....play or slave labor? Maybe a little of both. Last week Brady was watching The Sword and the Stone and there was a scene where little Arthur was made to scrub out all the huge kitchen pots. For some reason this cleaning concept excited Brady to no end...so today I got smart and told him "I don't have any big black pots but you could scrub our shower if you want." He was delighted and spent at least 20 minutes scrubbing and whistling.
Brady's imagination has been running wild today...he's been a firefighter, a pilot of a Boeing (he was pretty devastated that I had no big boxes for him to use as a cock pit) and he's been a police officer and writing us tickets left and right all day. This morning Trinity wasn't listening to me so after several times of asking her to stop walking on my mopped floor I....well....errr... RAISED my voice just a touch. :) Three hours later I was handed a piece of paper off of his ticket pad that read "Do not yell." It was pretty humorous even though I had to remind him that he shouldn't *get on to me* even in subtle ways. :) I did apologize for yelling, however. :)

I never get to see Trin's clothes anymore because she is constantly wearing her Princess dress that she was given for Halloween. She has been Cinderella all day long...even though she doesn't actually pretend anything...she just says she's the "little Cinder girl." I wish everyone that read this blog could hear Trinity pronounce the word "girl." She sounds like she's straight from New Jersey - I have no idea why she says it the way she does but I've been trying to manipulate our conversation just so she has plenty of opportunities to use the word.

Zac is on shift today so after laundry and mopping we decided to start our party preparation. Both of the kids were given some paper and stickers to make daddy a card and I started on the cake. Brayden was unsure of how to spell some of the words he wanted to write so I wrote them on a piece of paper for him to copy. He said that he wanted to tell zac "Happy Birthday Daddy" and then on the inside "You are great daddy." Well, after some time had passed Brady brought me his card for inspection with the most delighted look on his face. The outside read "Happy Birthday Daddy" but then on the inside it simply stated "Daddy, your birthday is on MUNDAY." I laughed out loud and told him that his daddy would be delighted - Brady is quite obsessed with days and time so he's really been challenged with the concept of celebrating Zac's birthday on the wrong day (he has to work this year on his birthday.)

After making the cards I told Brady to go hide them somewhere and when he came back I asked him where they were and he said "a great spot....under daddy's pillow." He really is just cracking me up today.

I made a homemade white cake (they look yellow though...grrrrr) and then added some coconut to the batter. Tomorrow I'm going to make a butter cream frosting and then add a little almond extract and coconut....what do you think? I don't have any coconut flavoring and have no car to be able to go get some...in the morning Zac is going straight from work to go coach so I won't be able to get out to a store at all tomorrow either. Do you think almond would taste good with the coconut...I mean....hello - can we all say "ALMOND JOY?"

I'm excited for tomorrow since I get to have date night with my love. Mexican food here we come...and then off to Coldstone for a little ice cream treat. Zac use to work at a Coldstone Creamery in college so yesterday he informed me that we were going there since it's been a couple of years since we went to an actual ice cream shop..and listen to this - tomorrow the weather is suppose to be 60 degrees!!!!!! I'm thrilled. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.....party pictures to come.

The Time Went, and He's Coming....

Oh hello toes...you are still there. I was beginning to wonder.
I've noticed with each pregnancy how much harder it is being pregnant...but how much easier it is delivering the baby. Too bad not everything can be easier. I think I'm about 25 weeks along but I feel like I've been pregnant for an eternity. I was thinking on my way home from church today what a huge gift my fertility has been. I know that my last post was about my delivery experiences not being exactly what I wanted....on the way home though the thought struck me "wow, how awesome though that God allows me to carry life...ha ha...at least one time year if not prevented." Such a privilege...even though an exhausting one... I don't take it for granted.
I woke up in the night about 4 times with the worst ache in my hips and inner thighs...I could barely turn over. Zac seems to think that I need to start doing some sort of exercise. :) He of course is extremely right but I would rather blog during kid's nap times then do yoga....guess I should stop complaining about the aches and pains huh?


Zac called to let me know that he made it to Dallas in good time and is about to catch his plane to Atlanta. I can't even describe to you how blessed and happy I feel about how my time alone with the kids has been. At the beginning all I could feel was dread...God has turned that frown upside down and I have had such a good time with my littles. Brady hasn't had any type of full blown meltdown for 4 days - probably a record. He has gotten a bit snippy with me a few times but I was able to just talk to him about the right way to talk to others and how if he will calm down I would be happy to listen - and it worked this time around.
Trinity has given me a huge break from her three year old attitude as well...when I tell her to get ready for bed or go potty...or finish her supper she gets this huge cheesy smile and says "well, okay mommy." The first time my jaw dropped open, the second time I was wondering if she was feeling okay...the third time I just thought "is my little girl back?!"
We've just stayed busy with so many things...errands and coffee breaks for mom, coloring and puzzles...the movie The Sword in the Stone came in the mail and Brady really enjoyed it. My friend Havala gave me the BIGGEST gift yesterday and watched the kids for three hours allowing me to have alone time. Know what I did? Something very "unAlyssa like." I went to the mall, walked into a hair salon and said "I need some highlights." I haven't even had my hair trimmed for about 14 months so this was a big treat. I generally go totally natural but just a few blond highlights just really *perked* me right up! The real reason I did it is because I wanted something about me to look just a little different for when Zac gets home - he likes that kind of thing. And gosh, I got to sit still for two hours and have someone play with my hair...could become a 2 time a year habit around here.


Not only did Havala gift me a much needed rest but she also brought me my Christmas gifts (we haven't seen each other for almost a month.) Do you see it? No...not the oven. That lovely flowered towel purchased from World Market. I almost came apart when I saw how very *me* it was....funny how something like a dishtowel can just thrill my heart.

But really...isn't that pattern just gorgeous? So very feminine without being too prissy or girly. Just perfect.

She also gifted me this little felted ornament that I absolutely swooned over. Such a sweet friend to take the time to choose things for me that really match up with my personality.

Okay, enough of me and my new possessions and hair....on to the really cute part of my life....pictures of what the kids have been up to....

Trin has announced that she wants to be a ballerina and yesterday was taking this dream quite seriously. I put some classical music on and she and I danced for at least 45 minutes....hmmmm....the sore inner thighs explained? Here she is striking a pose before her specialty move....the TWIRL.

Love the tongue that always finds itself in the corner of her mouth when serious concentration is going on....

And the TWIRL is pulled off with fluidity and grace. So much fun having a little girl...I'll be looking up dance classes this summer. I guess that's one good thing about having only one daughter...I might actually be able to afford dance classes?

Really though...it would be such a good time for her to be with other kids once a week or so. Right now my kids see other children maybe 2 times a month IF we get to go to church? Speaking of church....did I already tell you that I GOT us there this morning? I was quite proud of myself.

Trinity and Tristan have been entranced with their new Christmas puzzles....one set from Grammy and Granddaddy and another one from Grampy and Gran Jan. They really can never have too many puzzles.

Brady boy has been enjoying his PBS game on the computer but has also been spending time playing with toys from Christmas...a new development. Brayden doesn't show much interest in toys....once he figures it out he's done with it. But lately he's been imagining things and coming up with the most humorous scenarios. Havala got the children the most lovey fairytale book with gorgeous illustrations and Brayden really likes to be read too. His reading is coming along amazingly...I'm so proud of him.

I post this picture of my clutter just for Zac's sister to see what we did with the old shelving that I use to use as my "pantry." Zac turned it into a desk so there is just enough room for the computer in the back room and then every night we lay down a mattress for Brady to sleep on and then prop it up against the wall in the morning - it's getting harder for me to pick that thing up every morning I'll tell ya.

And Tristan has just been his adorable self...still waking me up almost every night at least once for no good reason. I honestly don't know what's going on because he always falls back asleep but he will wake up at least once, cry for about 10 minutes...longer if I don't go to him....and then fall back asleep. He is the essence of "boy." I can't describe the amount of love the fills my heart when I just look at him...seriously...it's overwhelming and it's ALL DAY LONG that I feel like this...I'm not just waxing poetic here yall.

Thanks for thinking of us and for praying for our family....God heard and I feel so very loved...next you hear from hopefully we will have our *pillar* home.

Apple Slices vs. Corn Chips

So I start this post with an uninspiring photo of the hutch....just trying to answer several people's "what did you do with your hutch?!" concerns. I hid it behind this wall...so it is still in the dining room - yet hidden from the entry way.

And another uninspiring photo....just trying to meet the "let's see a belly shot"proclamations - sorry...doesn't quite meet the need since I'm not at a "side angle." But really folks, there's really nothing to see yet. I can feel it coming though - any day now the belly will be upon me and it will just pop out like a turkey pin when the meal is cooked. Last time with Tristan....it just all fell out at the same time (sounds real lovely doesn't it? Am I painting a pretty picture?) There's just something about the third and fourth baby - your body just knows what it expects to do - and does it...real fast and all of the sudden. Be waiting folks...the mass is coming.

Life here in Georgia has been good this week. We've all been fighting off a bit of a cold with triple echinacea tea and an olive oil/eucalyptus rub....besides that just trying to stay pretty isolated so as not to share our germs. I think WE picked them up at church...always such a struggle with little kids - wanting to go to church but not wanting to get sick every week...the two seem pretty much to go hand in hand. The kids have been troopers through this I must say, especially since mommy has spent a lot of time on the couch saying "I'll watch you right now but I'm just too tired to play." Isn't that just the saddest thing to say?

A little update on my "internalizing post" last week. I have found many moments of solitude which have been very good and very enlightening for me. I have taken SEVERAL showers (like many more than I normally do) just so that I can get away and stop myself from feeling overwhelmed BEFORE I start to get nervous or anxious - calming myself before the storm so to speak. It's been very good. I'm also trying my best to start filling my evenings with apple slices instead of corn chips. All I can do is try.

Zac and I got to go out last night and the date was just so relaxing .... eating in a dark restaurant (comfort food, not stressing over calories) just talking casually and having no expectations....he then had to coach soccer for a hour so I dropped him off and walked through a book store...went back and watched him work with his soccer boys just like old times. After practice we went to Starbucks and sat outside drinking lattes and watching the outdoor fireplace. Dreamy. I THEN came home and feel asleep by 8:45 pm...if I could lift my drink right now to nights of 10 hours sleep I would (there's not a drop of beverage in the house however...so I raise my hot tea to health.)

Moving on. I found a wonderful Christian therapist who referred me to Summit Counseling Center in Chattanooga and I was able to make Brady's first appointment for next Thursday. I'm a little nervous about this whole thing...letting someone into our lives and telling them deep dark secrets - no, really I'm more nervous about trying to *explain* Brady. I'm scared of them finding major issues to work with him on / I'm also scared that they won't. I know this is the next step for us and that we need help parenting him...and he needs help learning how to cope with normal emotions that other's just take for granted. So, if you think of it pray for us at 10 am next Thursday....that it would just be a comfortable experience.

This little miss turns 3 next Friday and is SO excited about a chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting. We got her the movie Mary Poppins and the cutest little necklace with a pouch on it that holds a little wooden doll...found it on etsy. It is SO perfect and so "Trin." I can't wait. We're inviting a couple of her little friends to come and have cake and then I think I'll try to put together some little finger foods for the kiddos...just to make it even more of a celebration.

Shhhh....don't tell anyone but I want another little girl REALLY bad! I, of course, would love another son just because I think about how neat that will be to have a house full of MEN someday...but a baby girl is just a little, well...just a little rosebud.

Blessings,

Alyssa Spring