May 24, 2010

Warning - Long Post Ahead

Precious boy how I love you. Your imagination inspires me, your laughter lightens my heart, your tears draw compassion out of the innermost parts of my being...places I didn't know existed until you were part of my world. The glow in your eyes reminds me of sunshine, your laughter is as warm as the thrill me. How much I want for much I want to give to you my first "heart string."
The idea of 'mother' has definitely always been romanticised in my head. Growing up i thought of the glow of being pregnant as effortless...a breeze. I thought that babies were all just sweet smelling bundles of love....toddlers manageable as long as trained in the correct way (of course I knew which way that was) and then older children were always helpers that would just love me and I them....we would be best of friends, at the same time they would have the deepest respect for me and devotion...and I them.
Being a mother still is all that...just add to it a lot of back labor and torn out hair...a lot of tears and agony...a lot of crying out to God for strength and and more love...sometimes feeling like there is no more "goodness" left to give. There is friendship, but there is also a lot of strain and being "tough" when my body wants so badly to just rest....not to clean up one more mess....not to cook one more meal....not to kiss one more uncontrollable torrent of tears away. I don't think I ever realized that there was actually "sacrifice" involved in motherhood and for a long time...i wouldn't admit to it. i didn't want to call it that because i felt like saying that I was sacrificing part of myself was actually selfish...I should just WANT to give myself to whatever purpose God has called me to...and I wouldn't suffer at all - it would be counted as joy.

I'm starting to realize that it's okay that I use the word "sacrifice." God calls us to give of ourselves - I don't think He says "give of yourself until you feel you deserve a break...." But, just knowing that while I'm scrubbing the dishes that I am giving my family something(the pleasure of eating off of clean dishes the next meal)...turning that sacrifice into a smile...not a grimace. Now that is truly bend my will and my wants to what God try and take just a morsel of the goodness that God has said I could have...and then to learn and grow. To start noticing that when I give a part of myself and start seeing it as "a good thing" , serving and giving becomes something in time I want to do - hopefully by my 40's it'll be like breathing to me...just happens without me even noticing. I know...wishful thinking...maybe not. :)
I came across this quote in a little book given to me on Mother's Day from my Grandma Grace, and it is my heart in words...

Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own. - Marguerite kelly and Elia Parsons

The mother loves her child most divinely, not when she surrounds him with comfort and anticipates his wants, but when she resolutely holds him to the highest standards and is content with nothing less than his best. - Hamilton Wright Mabie

I think there are times that I do struggle for my "individuality" - and there are so many women(people) that do the same. But, I'm wondering if that's really what God intends for us to do? We all want to be special and stand out...forgetting that just being a creation shaped by the ultimate Artist we already are perfect and a masterpiece. Is struggling for individuality really a worthwhile thing to pursue - I think not if it makes one miserable in the pursuit. Plus, what's so special about a made up person, a fabricated person of 'I'm such and such because one day I realized I wasn't special so i put myself first for once and became 'THIS' ." hmmmm....that attitude just doesn't seem honoring to anyone other than self. I think that we all have special gifts and we should share those with others...and through serving and being selfless we will become who we want to be -us. Others will want to spend time with you....opportunities will come for "shining"....just by being who God wants us to be...servants, thoughtful, lovers of what is good...keepers of peace.

Today I started a piece I'm going to call "Once Upon a Time." I thought about it last night while I was lying in bed...started thinking of Brady and his infatuation with the Little Red Riding Hood and how much I love anything whimsical or I started today and maybe since zac is at work today i might can work on it all night and finish tomorrow? Once i start these things I get so impatient to see how it's going to turn out I have to remind myself to be calm...breathe...prioritize. If you know me then you realize it's not far off for me to need to be reminded to breathe...I'm just a type A ...that's all there is to it. And by golly...speaking of Little Red Riding that a BIG BAD WOLF i SEE ?!!!!!

Sure enough ! Just about the cutest howling wolf the fur vest and sucker sticks for ears! I told you the kid had imagination...wish I would have taken pictures of his cat outfit today - it was a HOOT !!!

yesterday Trinity learned the fine art of preparing a tuna sandwich. Not JUST a tuna sandwich...but the tuna deluxe with a capital "D." Yall, I have been craving pickles like crazy. And,no, all of you jokers - i'm not preggers. I just WANT dill pickles all of the time...cold crunchy juicy pickles and all of their mildly tart goodness.

the way to make the best tuna sandwich :
- Two cans of tuna, drained
- 2 diced boiled eggs
- about 2-3 T of mayo (the Kraft brand with olive oil is DELICIOUS)
- a smidgen of mustard
- salt and pepper to taste

Now, layer that on a homemade bun with some pickles and my family would say "that'll make ya wanna slap your granny in a creek." ( you know how old southern expressions are....pointless yet making the exact point you want to make.)

We were able to do school again today and Brady is coming right along with his reading and writing his numbers. He can count to 100 just fine and knows all of the "pre school" stuff already. We did this little book - courtesy of a weak moment at Chik-fil-a and a happy meal....and i was surprised with how educational it was. It was basically teaching about how the earth spins and the sun is still, and how "days" are made.

To make the point a little more clear for the 2 year old brain, I got the ol' family globe out and demonstrated by making a flashlight the sun and having the kids point it at North America. I would spin the globe around making sure that they kept the flashlight on the same spot...demonstrating that when the beam of light wasn't on North America it was night...and then back around until it was morning again. They loved it. :)

This little goober just napped the whole time...very convenient for me to have that hour window with the two oldest in the late morning to just focus on them. oh yah...we also water colored for awhile...the kids have made everyone we know a drawing so if you get one in the mail sometimes soon...act ecstatic.

poor runny nose kid. Teething is such a pain - literally.

i got this great idea from another blog a couple weeks ago (don't remember which blog -oops!) about how to create your own first reader as a baby gift. Using scrabble letters you spell out different words and photograph them on white, then take a picture of that object. Brady was clearly "silly." Have you noticed how all of his pictures are blurry? the kids can't sit still to save his life.

Trin wanted a turn....

She thought the idea - going on a merry go round - kind of fun.

I can't wait to compile all of my photos and put together my little book. I think I'll use the blurb program again since I had such good results with that last time. I'm thinking about making it for trin for her birthday since it would make the perfect "3" gift. I'm still trying to think of what to do for Koala Bear - his birthday is NEXT MONTH!!! Where did time go....I need another baby so I can sacrifice a bit more. :)
Seriously though, being a wife and mother is so incredibly fulfilling and has been the joy in my life. I wouldn't change a bit of it....maybe Brady's crazy OCD tendency...but then again, there's so many things I love about him DUE to that nope....wouldn't change a thing. Anyways, if you change something it usually changes a lot of somethings.


Jason and Antonia said...

I think the timing is just about right for another baby...:D You SURE you're not prego??


And I had a Grandma Grace too...I'm named after her...:)


Ginny said...

Beautiful post, and love the scrabble pics!

Grammy said...

You are ABSOLUTELY right about SO many things!! I especially agree about changing one little something usually changes a lot of things. I TOTALLY agree. That has definitely been my experience.

And your kids are THE MOST AMAZINGLY ADORABLE kids in the world!!!! I just LOVE them!! AND their mother!!!

Terrific, terrific idea using the Scrabble letters for pics for the reader.

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