Just Today

  Almost the end of March....almost Easter...almost Finn's first birthday...then Tristan's in June - sorry, i'm jumping ahead.
 Almost the end of March - this month has been crazy for our family but I think crazy good. Seven weeks down on our "special diet." Three weeks down of Zac's academy. Three weeks down of homeschooling ....Tristan's diagnosis behind us and our reality ahead of us, winter weather ALMOST past, lots of good things to come.

  We were blessed with several days that felt just like summer time. I was outside the ENTIRE day. I was upstairs at 8 am, coffee in hand...out the door I went and I didn't come in for a very long time. I found my rake and shovel and hoe and I got to work on our garden plot. I was turning soil when I let out a tremendous squeal and then reached beneath the soil and caught something in my hand. Then my kids heard it....my baby voice "isn't it SOOOO cute. Oh my goodness...." They came running over like I had found a little lost kitten...and saw instead two little earthworms in the palm of my hand. I can't help myself. I've just always loved earthworms. Trinity now does too.

  And this is a random picture from our sunny day where we only did...ahem...30 minutes of school. I think what Brady loves the most about being home is he doesn't have to wear a shirt - kid after my own heart (of COURSE I don't get away with it - but I always did long to be part of a hippy colony where clothes were optional. ) Trinity learns better with one shoe off....

  And then back to our warm day - even lunch was eaten outside. Finn is strange in the way that he doesn't enjoy fruit of any kind (unless it's baked in something) but he couldn't get enough of the guacamole and often he will chow down on kale and asparagus.

  Anyways, tomorrow it's suppose to snow. Today is slightly warm so the kids are all outside during their rest time because I just couldn't bring myself to making them be locked up in their rooms for the allotted "2 hour mandatory rest time." Sometimes when you're a mom you  just gotta give something up for the better good...you know?

  Yesterday I had my meeting with the Child Find team (they make up the IEPs for the *specials*) and after talking a lot about Tristan and his strengths and weaknesses they agreed with me that he shouldn't be in a typical preschool receiving occupational therapy and speech therapy but instead in a "center" where all of the teachers their specialize in special ed and have had lots of experience with kids with autism. I was also pleased to find out that the day is only 2 hours and 45 minutes. One of my concerns is that soon it would be spring and Tristan does best outside and I didn't want him locked up inside for 6 hours a day (I say it like I'm referring to prison and it's because I kind of feel like it is. :) Anyways, I was feeling really overwhelmed with having to make the decision to put him in preschool...but I really want him to have the speech therapy right now. After I found out that the days were less then 3 hours then I went ahead and gave them the "go" to place him.
 I was really overwhelmed yesterday AFTER the decision though because I realized I would have to take him to a pediatrician, I would need to go register him....I have to go next week to the eye doctor with Brady...I'm STILL trying to figure out a pediatrician to take Finn to to have his little surgery done - and I'm feeling quite alone in the childcare department. There are people I can ask (and I have) but I hate having to ask like every other day. Aubrey has been an amazing help to me...she has come over at least once a week to just help pass the day and three different times she watched the kids so I could take either Trinity or Brady out "one on one." My friend Amy has been a huge blessing letting Trinity join her littles at an art class on Tuesdays, and then a couple days ago she had a sleepover with Sophie. That was pretty much perfect because I was really overwhelmed and Brady was having a very hard day and our home wasn't particularly "happy." I was so glad that Trin has somewhere to escape and to play and build fairy houses and eat spaghetti and forget about stress for a moment. * side note : I had given Brady gluten for three days to see how it effected him and he was unable to focus, very aggravated and moody and the third day he had an upset stomach. I'm back on gluten free. *
 This morning I got a call from the lady over placing kids in preschool and she said that the centers are completely full so Tristan is on the roster to begin in the fall. Phew. I'm kind of glad that decision was made for me. I feel like I was open to him beginning but I'm pretty relieved that it's not the right time for now.

  It's been amazing to me how very busy these last few weeks have been and how little Zac and I have seen each other but how much we've grown. I feel like I've been able to really just call out to God in my time of need...and I've learned to say "I can't wash the laundry today" or "we're having sandwiches for dinner" and I've been okay with less then perfect. Also...I have felt closer to Zac even though he's farther away from me...even when he his home he is exhausted and very much focused on his homework and recooperating (which he should be) but I've felt very much a "part." I think it's because (and I say this as humbly as I can) but I've made it my point to be who he needs me to be right now, and not listen to that little voice that tells me what I "need." If you listen to your head it will tell you all kinds of foolish things "you deserve time off, go ahead and put yourself first" or "I've been working all day to, I'm not responsible to care about _ ." I do have to take care of myself - but I have to be obedient to God first and He tells me to take care of my home. So, in the grand scheme of things...it needs to be husband, children, then me. If there isn't time left for me....then there isn't. We'll see what I'm saying at the end of April... :) Anyways, that' what I've been learning and relearning and what I'm challenged with every day. It's also helped that Zac has left me love notes...give me big hugs when he comes home and thanks me for my effort. I feel very blessed to have him and so proud of how hard he is working. I'm pretty much attracted to hard workers. :)

  So, we are enjoying our weekends and trying to pack the most family time in that we can. Last weekend we roasted marshmallows at 10 am....snack right?

   I'm working my best at not focusing on the fact that Zac's academy is four months long. When I do I feel rather anxious - I'm doing my best to work on "today." It's hard though isn't it? Especially when in our busy lives we have to plan...we have to schedule time with friends, time to grocery shop, time to buy growing kids clothes...doctor's appointments - it's hard for me to have a schedule and then sit around and wait for it all to happen.

  But... Today we'll just drink tea and eat marshmallows (I made morning glory muffins this morning.) We will learn about Alaska and Columbia (my kids have VERY different taste) and we will draw pictures and play in baths and forget that the floor needs mopping AGAIN. We won't remind Finn that he's gonna be slightly uncomfortable in the next couple of weeks...and I won't think about how all four of our kids need clothes for spring. We will just play and learn...for today.

 And run around the yard in our undies...because tomorrow there will be snow (Sometime you have to plan.)