I felt so alive today. It was one of those days where all of my senses were awake...every smell, every sound...every touch grabbed at my heart and I felt so content. The moment I woke up this morning, as early as it was, my heart knew it was a new day. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I have just gone to bed and I fight against starting all over again and then I wind up miserable the whole day because I don't take any joy in anything...unless it's something big and exciting. I loved each one of the kid's giggles...I even loved the times that I had to say "no" because I knew I was saying it in the right way with the right heart. One of my favorite moment's today was preparing a chicken soup. My kitchen window was open just enough for me to feel the autumn breeze about me as I sliced and diced, the smells of boiling chicken and garlic, spices, fresh bread filled the kitchen. The falling rain was so peaceful...it felt like a "lazy day" even though there was nothing lazy about it. I used the afternoon to play and play, fold laundry, take stems off of crabapples (more apple butter coming soon...) I made that big pot of soup, we even went to the grocery store. My second favorite part was rolling on the floor with the kid's, breathlessly throwing pillows at one another for about 20 minutes, laughing laughing laughing. They are just too cute.
I think about the way I delight in my children, their skin just so warm and soft I CRAVE it. Sometimes at night when I'm calm and almost dreaming I just want to get up and go sit by one of them as they sleep...to hear their breath rise and fall, to smell that sweet smell that only babies have. I love their voices, I wonder almost daily what Trin will sound like. It's confusing to me how to God I am just as delightful...me, with my imperfections...my impatience and my attitudes. But He delights in me the SAME, even more then I delight and love my children. I read about it in a Psalm today as I was sitting on the porch, listening to that gentle rain and feeling that good strong breeze. I felt so peaceful I just wanted to give it (peace) to everyone I know that isn't experiencing peace and stillness. To be lost in agony, your mind running crazy with details and more details, worry and fear about insignificant and significant matters, constantly running and never reaching the finish line, never being able to collapse and rest knowing that you FINISHED - it's so tiring. It weighs you down and makes you lost. And then when you've reached your limit and the knowledge that all that is needed for rest is to relax in Love. His ways are perfect.
God's way is perfect.
All the Lord's promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
And that's the verse I found today as my mind WANTED to spin out of control with all the trivial and *important* details of my life. I realized once again that I have no say in what happens to me and to those that are mine. I can run and agonize, fill my life with negativity (which then begins to fill the hearts of all those around me) or I can rest knowing that HIS promises are true. He will never leave me, he loves me, nothing with Him is to much for me to bear...He will shield me...think of the promises that are true. God's way is perfect. And then...
He led me to a place of safety;
he rescued me because he delights in me.
When Brady's feelings are hurt, I run to him and scoop him up. I hold him and sing to him, I tell him "It's okay sweetie. You can do it...you're mommy's big boy. You're so strong like daddy. Try again." I do this because he is mine, I delight in him. God delights in me. Time and time again I feel His arms around me...like today on the porch swing. He told me "leave it all to Me. Have joy and quit focusing on things you cannot change."
So many details I want to control, from where we are to live one day to budgeting, worrying about relationships...so many things. I give them to Him. Funny how He is teaching me....my signs of self reliance is when I begin to panic. That's a sure sign *for me* that I'm doing it by myself. Obviously if HIS yoke is light and I feel such a strong heaviness ... something is not adding up right.
Such a wonderful rainy day...so many things for me to learn when I have a day that is quiet and I can hear.