Me and Tristan

Thinking about Tristan is strange to me....I think it's because all I can picture is Brady in a smaller body. Yet the reality is, even though they may be similar in looks, this is an entirely different person. A different temperament to learn, different talents...a different smile and different tears. I'm so excited to meet him and yet I still have 19 weeks!!!! I'm happy for time I have just to love him through my mind and in my heart...soon I will be holding him in my arms. This is a sweet time - there are aches and pains (especially in my back) but it's a time that I can love him without seeing anything negative in or about him. Wouldn't it be lovely if we all were blinded to the negatives in others and just loved them...deeply? Christ wants us to be deep...to think. He wants us to love Him deeply, I know I miss the mark so often. Really....I can be so shallow.
But there I go again seeing the negative in myself and focusing on it, instead of asking myself questions like "What is it to love Him deeply?" Maybe I don't always miss the mark. For instance, I love to lay on a blanket in the yard...right in the middle of the grass and sticks - some rocks. I feel perfectly comfortable lying there feeling the sun on my face, and I'm thankful. Thankful for sunshine and the warmth, thankful that God made the sun and everything it touches. Rain...I love the way it splashes on the windows. I wonder if when God created rain he had a moment where the He could hear it drum on a tin roof, or if maybe He could smell that...*oh so wonderful* scent of rain meeting dirt. That fresh, earthy smell....hmmmmm. Did He hear rivers rising and the chorus of an upbeat current splashing against rocks....did He see the sparkle of the sun on rain drops? I think He heard, saw...smelled it all and pronounced it good. I think...I think I do love Him deeply. If I didn't wouldn't all these things just be taken for granted?
I hope because of this Love - i will love. I hope my kids will know that I think they are Good in the sense that God saw the water good. Not that it will always be perfect....sometimes the ocean is unpredictable, sometimes it is damaging....much like us. But it is what He planned it to be, just like us. Every part of Trinity that is good is good because of Him....her beautiful eyes, her expressions. Her emotions are good (she will have to learn to display them in a godly way, but she has emotions because God gave them to her.) Speaking of emotions....
I'm trying not to say to my kids "Don't get mad!" or "you don't need to be upset." I don't think that's right because it makes them feel guilty for having feelings. Instead, I'm trying to say "we don't yell when we are angry" or "you need to be done crying." These are addressing actions not feelings. Just something to think about....
So, to end this blogging entry for the day....my focus this afternoon is to love God deeply. To love Him in the midst of piles of laundry, crying babies....to love Him even though the flies have found their way into my house....to be thankful and to learn of Him through life. This is our gift.