Jul 5, 2012

A Few Thoughts on Parenting

Lately my mind has been consumed with parenting. I feel like I go in cycles...some weeks I'm focused on my marriage, some weeks on exercise and healthy living, some weeks I'm a crazy crafter and creator, some weeks I'm gobbeling up in information on "unschooling" - I wish I could be balanced. I wish that when I focus on Zac and what I am to him that I wouldn't put aside some of my good parenting strategies and vice versa. I wish I would exercise routinely and craft everyday...I want to make moments for all of these things since they, in essence, make up *me.* Do what you love...you know?
So...back to parenting. I've noticed little by little my children't attitudes changing. It's been a gradual change but the change has been negative. I'm noticing that I'm digging my heels in more, that I'm sensing a lot more arguing from them and a lot more resistence. I feel like I'm losing them - their sweetness and their love for me. Okay...not their "love" but their "like."
So, we watched a video yesterday that was encouraging and there was of course some good and some bad. BUt, fort he sake of tolerance...I tuned out the bad and took the good and it was SOOO refreshing. Here are the main points that I wrote down:
~ criticism and condemnation produce alienation. Don't attack your child's spirit...don't cut into their hearts....just make negative behavior counter productive.
~When parenting is not enjoyable, be assured you have a bad attitude. ( this took me awhile to accept but in the end I feel like for me this is true. Parenting is tiring and is challenging, but the Bible says that children are "gifts" and I generally enjoy MOST gifts.)
~Your face is a graph of how you see them. If my face isn't smiling and pleasant...if I scowl at them or roll my eyes or just appear "worn" it shows them that I don't enjoy them...that they tire me. I love my children...therefor I want them to see love in my face.
~Children choose their role models and they usually choose people who listen, who encourage, who are all about *them*
~ Become attractive to your child. This doesn't mean give in to them...it means be to them who you want them to be.
~ The reach of your discipline cannot reach to the extent of your fellowship. Good point.
I think what I've been convicted about the most is that I'm not enjoying my kids. Let's face it...they get in the way of what I would LIKE to be doing. I would like to be cleaning the house, I would love to be reading and painting, I would love to be going on quiet walks with my husband...I would love to have two seconds of peace. I think though, if I am making my child my priority in every way, there would be more time for peace because they wouldn't be fighting for my attention.
Today I have included them in everything I've done and it's been pretty fulfilling. This is how I use to parent....the last few months with all the changes I've become very slack and I've been able to see it in my attitude and in my kids. There were six questions to answer at the end of the video...
1. Do you like your child?
2 Does your child like you?
3. Does your child feel that he makes you happy?
4. Does the child enjoy life?
5. Does your child feel successful?
6. Does your child have will to do good?
7. Is your child walking in the truth?
Sorry for this strange post...Just needed to get it written out.

1 comment:

Kelly and Brian said...

I appreciated this post as I've been thinking about parenting a lot (and reading some books). Trying to be intentional about it while Rori is still small. What do you mean about "unschooling" ? I've only heard of it once before - but in the family I know it was extremely negative, so I'm curious about your thoughts or what you see it to be.

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