Summing it Up

Our beautiful boy...where did my baby bundle go? I remember so clearly the first time I saw Brady, when I heard his cry and the doctor placed a little squirmy infant on my chest. I was in shock, that all of my hopes and dreams about being a mother, the tedious 9 months of carrying him had gone so quickly, at times slowly, and then there he was. That was the first Christmas that I really understood the gift that God had given...it was the first time I had loved a son. I thought my whole life I had appreciated what God had done for me...but not until that winter...the three weeks before Christmas when I was GREAT with child that I understood that God had given his very heart for me. Being given my Brady and was given the understanding of love from the Father...I finally *got it.*

This time of year has been very special in so many ways and so challenging. The song on my playlist by Kathryn Scott "I Belong" sums up what I'm trying to hold on to ...the knowledge that in good and bad I am cared for and loved beyond any capacity. Through weaknesses that I see in myself everyday...frustrations over never ending bad attitudes, weakness in doubt and worry...FEAR is one of my biggest. Challenges that arise for us everyday, where Zac and I feel like we just can't get ahead...ahead of what? What is it we are all trying to get ahead of? Time? Bills? Some dreams have been lost...at least placed on hold for us and that has been trying. It's hard to let go off things, sometimes it's hard to understand why we have to.

The year has also been full of joy. Who can have a partner so loving and children so sweet to NOT have joyful times? There have been so many giggles in our house this year I'm afraid to ever leave this first home behind...hopefully just as much laughter will fill our new home whenever that happens for us. :) Trinity has been the most animated baby I can imagine and we feel so blessed that we have entertainment at our disposal 24/7. Brady is an intense,bright and energetic little boy...he's what a son should be. He's loving and protective, he's full of mischief and at the same time full of sweetness...I'm very anxious to see what all he will learn and accomplish this next year.

And for the baby inside of me...I'm so thrilled. It's so special to be carrying a child during the holidays...I'm not exactly sure why except that to be given a child is the greatest gift that can be given (besides salvation) and so I feel totally blessed.