Feb 16, 2009

Day 3

The day after the wedding (day before we left) Zac and I really wanted to go downtown and do some walking and shopping. You know, just soak in the Mexican culture. Nathan and Amy Heater went with us (friends of Amanda and Ben) which was fun to be around other people and form relationships. We took the bus into town...a very bumpy trip around mountains. Gotta love that it was only 6 pesos and the exchange was at 13.40 to the dollar. :)
We walked around haggling....Zac constantly getting waved down due to his hat (his favorite Mexico team) and gosh...if I heard "Your Spanish is superb" once I heard it a thousand times. People loved him.

Here is me with my 5th anniversary gift that I got to pick out...that's the best way I've decided. I loved all the turquoise down there and the silver is just amazing. I have this one little place in my heart that is reserved for jewelry - I really do love it as long as it is totally "Alyssa."

I'm not going to post anymore about my trip because I realize that every time I start thinking about it I feel a little sad. Very happy but definitely sad. I learned a couple things about myself on this trip and I've decided that blogging about it will help get it off my chest. Here goes nothin'...
1. I think i like myself but when I'm around people who live the high life....more money, entertainment constantly, freedom and more freedom - I begin to lose in my mind the REASONS why I like myself. I start feeling very boring like "Oh, all I do is watch kids and produce more." That really is how I felt often, not necessarily because people would say that to me but because I FELT that way. For instance, conversation goes something like this....
other person: "So Zac's a firefighter...what do you do?"
me : "I stay at home full time with the kids."
other person :" Okayyyyy. Which pregnancy is this?"
me : " This is our third...a little boy."
other person : "Your third?! How old are you?"
me : "I'm 24, we just knew what we wanted so we got married early and started having kids."
other person : " Did you finish school?"
me : "No I didn't...it wasn't my priority at the time. I wanted to be with Zac and have babies."
other person : "Oh."
It's that "oh" that bothers me. I wish people could just say "wow, that's really neat that you guys knew what you wanted and went after it." Instead of what it could mean "Oh...you're really missing out on life. it may not have been responsible for you to drop out of school so early."
2. I'm VERY angry that people make me feel like I'm not thinking at all when I express certain opinions on subjects like politics....homeschooling...marriage. I try and try to learn how to explain myself and what I believe but I honestly am just not that great at debating. I don't need to defend the reasons why I want to teach our kids at home and I'm tired of people constantly challenging me on this decision. Seriously, when someone tells me that they are sending their kids to school I don't say " Why would you do that? Aren't you concerned about them in this way and this way..." Where as I CONSTANTLY get "How will they learn to handle peer pressure?" Oh my gosh...is school the only place in life you learn about peer pressure? How about at home? Who's the moron who DOESN'T think that sometimes you encounter peer pressure with siblings? How about the fact that we intend to raise our kids to be very secure so hopefully when they go to college or are away from us they will know right from wrong and can choose? I'm tired of the whole 90 questions but I know they will keep coming.
3. I doubt my convictions when I'm around others who don't see things the way I do - this is a problem. I wish I were more confident in the things that I believe and in the things I want. I think some of this also comes with age and who I'm talking to...I wish that didn't matter. When I'm talking to someone that is my age I usually feel very comfortable with what I think, but then when it's someone older then me I feel dumb....like maybe I REALLY don't know what I think and they're right because they've had longer to think about things. Good grief.
So, with all that said...those were a few of the issues that I faced on our trip. Being a person that overly processes everything in my mind it took up a lot of my "relaxation time" just trying to figure out what I thought about stuff and why I wasn't a stronger person. At the same time I learned...
1. I wouldn't take back my life with Zac for anything. I love that I knew who I wanted and when I said "I love you" to him I genuinely meant it and meant it for life. I'm glad he's been the only man to ever be in my life.
2. I have a VERY nice husband. I think most men would be upset that their wife had to go to her room for awhile to be alone during a vacation. Zac was upset for me but not at me...isn't it cool that God puts people together knowing what each one needs in a partner?
3. I love warmth and I love simplicity. I could have sat in a chair and just stared at a flower for hours...I don't need chaos and entertainment and a huge group of friends. Sometimes I need a break and I do need sleep like the rest of the world but my kids aren't a burden to me at all. I almost forgot that for a day or two. I love them both so much and can't wait to meet my little Tristan and I want even another one after that....they are a gift and people constantly are playing down the Word of God....I'm not going to give in to "they're to expensive" or "you won't have any time to do what you need to do." I'm doing what I need to do...I kind of wish that was from sunny Mexico right now WITH my kids but instead we're in Georgia. Hopefully it will get warm soon. :)


emily rhudy said...

alyssa, I for one am very proud of you, and not just because I aggree with all you said but because you could realize its ok to be different if its right and for the wonderfull wife and mother you are. maybe you didnt finish school but you are constantly learning new things and teaching yourself the things you need and want to know. Maybe you had kids right away but i just see that as you giving your life to God fully and completley and accepting whatever he had for you. being a mother is a full time job but i think your mothering is like fulltime and overtime! cheer up, there are people who love you for you. (me:)

Cindy said...

Alyssa, you and Zac are the only ones who can decide how you want to educate your kids.

I for one love homeschooling.
I learn more than the kids do.
AND there are tons of advantages that kids who go to a school don't have!!

Its ok to be challenged by someone elses thinking...and its ok to know what you want!!

JLW said...

Alyssa! Okay seriously this is sort of funny to me because I've been "ranting" all night to Joel about how I'm sick of people questioning or try to dissuade me in my choices. : ) So, I guess what I'm saying is I feel your vibe. haha. Send me an e-mail when you feel inclined. I believe I somehow lost your address.

MOM said...

Alyssa Spring, I am proud of how you are able to express yourself and am proud to call you MY daughter. There is nothing I want more for you in life thatn to walk with God and be happy. It pleases me tons that you love your family and take care to show them your love for them. Don't let others make you feel like a jerk just because you know God's will for you. Zac is a wonderful husband to you and great father to your children. We could not have hand picked a better mate for you. Never believe that you are dumb...I know a lot of people older than you and most often you make better sense!! I love you, SPringy.

Lindsay said...

Hey girly!! So happy that your trip was filled with beautiful times!! I was really into reading your "about me" section! There will always be opposition when choosing to go against what the "norm" is. With where I'm at (Orange County) it seems even worse!! I'm 23, won't be having my baby until I'm 24 & you should see the looks people give me when they find out I'm married let alone pregnant!! Even some of my friends have treated me strangely about it. Somehow, I guess because of such opposition, I've had to learn to create strong opinions and stick to them. I'm very proud that I was home schooled & I can't wait to home school my kids. When people tell me that they don't agree, I go right back at them with why I don't agree with sending MY kids to school. I usually end saying "Everyone is different & everyone has their own kids and their own choices. We all get to raise our kids the way we want." (That sort of let's them know I don't appreciate their criticism in as kind of a way that I can.) I'm glad that you realize what you have. I think it's easy to trail off and think about the "what if's" or the "Maybes" or even take stock in others opinions......but the Lord will bless you for your convictions and for sticking to what you believe. The Bible does say that we are to be fruitful and multiply. I'm excited to be a young mom, I can't wait to stay home with my kids!!! I sometimes look at these women who are in their 30's, have great jobs, nice cars, lots of STUFF. They are so far from having a family because it would ruin their way of life. They definitely got what they went after & maybe they are happy! But I wouldn't trade what I have for a nice car, or an education! WE are the lucky ones!!

aubrey payne said...

you are a smart, strong, beautiful women with strong beliefs and the strength to stick to them...
i be real real proud friend!!

Jeanie said...

Hey Springy Girl! "The King's daughter is all glorious within. Her clothing is of wrought gold." It doesn't feel good to feel like others look down on you, but remember who's you are and that you are acceptable to Him. I love you Special Girl!
As for homeschooling, I know it's not for everyone, but I know you well enough to know that you will do an incredible job and probably love it to boot! Cindy's right. I have delighted to watch the way Teddy has blossomed during this year of homeschooling.
You'll never please everyone, so being a people pleaser doesn't work. Just keep being a God pleaser - - maybe I should remember this for myself. ;)
Love you lots!

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