Jun 27, 2010

Moving On

"The sun will continue to rise and set, whether I fail geometry or not."
- Anne of Green Gables
The last week has been full of sadness and loss....at the same time SO MUCH beauty. I have been able to smile...even laugh...and I am convinced that the world will continue to spin, and I will continue to grow, and we will continue to love....with disappointment or with success - God is still there in our midst and is still good. Brady has been singing the song "Our God Is An Awesome God " over and over again...a little bit redundant but so very good for me to hear.
"Our God is an awesome God,
He reigns,
With Wisdom, Power, and Love,
Our God is an awesome God."
I don't know why God gave and then took away....but I DO know that there was a lot of wisdom involved....His omnipotent power taking place in my life, and His everlasting love wrapped tight around me and Zac.

So much love has come in and out of our home this week...so many good GOOD friends - so selfless and such servants. Cheerful flowers, notes and phone calls...meals and groceries - tokens of love for our little family.

I love you so much my dear sisters....thank you for stocking our fridge and taking care of me...allowing me to truly rest and enjoy one on one time with Zac while I knew that my kids were being well cared for. Such a gift....you'll never know.

We have had a few really nice afternoons as a family...with sunshine and watermelon, sprinklers and wet grass...songs and laughter. Summer is such a special time...such a HOT time, but special just the same. I've been craving smores something fierce and even grilled hot dogs and corn on the cob - I may just have to splurge soon. I KNOW I will splurge soon, no question about it.

It's nice to have a hot ,expert watermelon cutter for a husband. Saves me from having to delve into the sticky mess (the only real drawback to any sort of melon) and it's fun for the kids to grow up with "Dad always cuts the watermelons in our family...." hee hee.

Tristan was in juicy heaven....isn't he getting so big?!

And water play....so fun for everyone on a 99 degree day. We borrowed this sprinkler from my friend Joy and have enjoyed it so much Zac bought one today for us to keep. Brady was so excited that he "owned a sprinkler forever." Look at Tristan in this picture trying to figure out how to crawl in and out of the kiddie pool - he kept getting stuck midway and would just hange there upside down with feet in the air.

He enjoyed the water quite a bit but was back for some more melon....food and him get along VERY well.

Trinity has brought so much joy to my heart the last couple of days. Just watching her and her golden curls, her pretty little dresses and her goofy disposition...she fills my life with beauty. She's such a good little mama taking her baby everywhere with her...making sure to give Abigail naps after playing and always feeding her breakfast in Tristan's highchair. Smiles.

The flowers outside have all bloomed...I had planted a pack of wildflowers in early spring so the kids could have something to pick during the summer. Everyday I get a fresh bouquet of just the heads of the flowers....hardly ever stems. :)

And yesterday and today I have been busy with party preparations for Tristan's first birthday. Yesterday I appliqued a banner and his birthday crown...today I'm busy putting together little party favors for his friends.

And look at these strawberries! I'm going to make vanilla cupcakes with buttercream strawberry frosting....I'm so excited to see how these taste. The kids and I found the recipe in their Sesame Street cook book....they are thrilled that we're actually making them tomorrow....errrr....today sometime.

And just a sneak peak of the little fella and his crown that brought a giggle to his throat and a smile to his lips. I love the idea of creating special family decorations to be used for years and years at different celebrations...this year my goal is to make each of the kids a birthday crown and a string of fabric garland....hopefully a tree skirt for Christmas time and some handmade gift bags....lots of creating to be done.
So, conclusion :
I am still grieving from time to time and I guess I will for quite awhile...at odd moments and over strange things...like pictures of baby feet, the smell of lavender, and people saying " I'm so sorry." BUT, the sun is going to continue to come up in the morning, the kids are still going to make me laugh....there is so much hope in the life of a believer. This doesn't feel like the end of anything...it just feels like the beginning of the next chapter in my life....hopefully a chapter full of grace and service...full of compassion for people hurting and those in need....I think God will use little January forever.
And my dear friend Danyelle sent me these scriptures today and they brought a tears to my eyes...hard to read but so full of truth and promise, God letting ME know that my baby WAS real no matter how small or maybe even "insignifcant" to the medical world.
Hugs to all of you....wish you could come by for a visit and a glass of lemonade...or a birthday cupcake.
Pslam 139
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.


kate fried said...

those verses brought tears to my eyes as well - but for different reasons. isn't it amazing how god can speak through the same truths to each one of us but in unique and personal ways?
and speaking of amazing, zac's haircut looks amazing!!! i've always loved him with the close-cut look, but that added faux hawk spiky-ness is TRULY amazing!!
i sure do you miss you and the family!

Kara said...

I have a lot of emotions, but just can't find the right words. So, I'll just say this: I'm thinking of you and praying for you...

Grammy said...

Ditto what Kate said! I know you will always miss little January, but I have no doubt that eventually there will be another Little on the way. I wonder what month he/she will be? I really like how you call him/her January. That's a perfect way to refer to the Little that is already with the Father.

Love, hugs and kisses to you from both of us!

Madeline said...

The strength of your faith comes out in your words and is very inspiring. I'm glad you have such a wonderful group of people around to help you through the loss of your baby. I'm praying for you.

Thanks so much for your sweet comment. I love making new friends. :)

MOM said...


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