Nov 16, 2011

Scheduled...At All Times

I found this photo...taken exactly 2 years ago. I must admit, my fingers are itching to get the scissors out and do a little *chop* job on our Goldilocks. Her hair is so cute...and really? How come my daughter gets the curls I use to dream about?! Oh yah....sometimes genes like that skip a generation or something - i got the long white legs and freckles.
I've been enjoying some quiet this afternoon. Zac took the kids for a drive so I could be alone and "ruminate." I spent the majority of my afternoon yesterday creating a master white board for Brady - I'll show it to you all eventually. There's numbers and dates and clips and with pictures of every task you could think off - a "rule" section and an "award" section. This morning trying to put it all into practice felt so regimented....I wanted a little order for his day and it actually worked pretty well for awhile. Then....he didn't appreciate one of the tasks and I had no way of changing his mind. He didn't care what was taken away, what he could potentially be awarded with - he just said "no." So, the plan fell apart and so did I. It's been coming...for about 3 weeks - and it happened. I felt like a failure and had to apologize to my kids for being angry at him, for hurting his feelings with my words - it didn't feel good.
So...I guess it wasn't the chart that didn't work well...I didn't work well...grab that girl another cup of coffee (number 4 or 5 I think?) and let's get going - it's no time to quit. It's strange having to think of every next minute - my whole life I have tried to learn to relax, to be calm and take in the moment - to breathe. I feel like my life mission over the last couple of years (read my blog from 2009 and 2010 and you'll get what I'm saying) has been to enjoy this moment.....this smile and this cup of coffee...these falling leaves and this little girl coloring outside of the lines. I've been trying to laugh at a mess and not frown on one - I've been trying to not care about the laundry or the dirty dishes - to not care what other people think of me. This schedule for Brady is challenging me....I'm going to have to learn how to be structured without being rigid.
The last two days have been rainy and gloomy. Tonight I'm planning on making a pot of soup...some kind of Mexican concoction which I'm sure will turn out delicious (even though I'll worry about it the entire time I stir it together.) other little thing i forgot to mention on my blog - we have been eating gluten free for the last 2 weeks. That's right..flourless...oatless....deliciousless. It's all gone from here - all the egg rolls and lasagna...vanished. You can make gluten free versions, but besides the muffins I've made...none of it has tasted as good to me as the real stuff. We are dedicated to the diet change until Christmas - I'm trying to figure out some of tristan's digestion problems and I've also heard that Aspy kids sometimes have a gluten intolerance. I've tried being optimistic about this whole adventure...but let me tell you - I don't like it one bit. The kitchen is an area I've been comfortable in for some learning to use new ingredients has taken my comfort and smashed it to bits. I'm learning though....we'll see if it makes any improvements and I'm crossing my fingers that I won't need to take dairy out of our diets - I could just waste away before your very eyes.


MOM said...

Trial 2!
It is not time to quit! I know you feel like this challenge in life that you are facing is never going to pass but one day you will be sipping your favorite tea and realize that this too has passed. God is on your side and He is going to get you and Zac through this. You are very creative so I know even the diet you are trying from love is going to have some positve impact. Hang in there an dknow your dad and I are some of your most faithful cheerleaders! We are rooting for you!!

Toplovs said...

Woah! Gluten free is a challenge I'm not quite sure I could conquer. I'm too use to using bread as a filler. I guess you'll be eating a lot of rice, potatoes and beans. Since you're a creative person, I know you'll come up with some good dishes and the internet probably has scores of gluten free recipes to browse.

Madeline said...

I felt the same way when I had to go corn, egg, and dairy free for Sophia. It was like I totally lost my footing in the kitchen, a place I had felt comfortable in before. You'll regain your footing though. It may take some time, but it will happen. Keep experimenting, and try to have fun with it.

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