Feb 1, 2013
You married me nine years ago and made my dreams come true. You have loved me just as I am...and helped me to become who it is that God wanted me to be...your helpmeet and the mother of your children.
You were hired on with the Dalton Fire department where you fell in love with serving others, you have always been a team player - whether with me at home, on a soccer field, or with your "brothers." You put yourself through EMT school not because it was required, but because you wanted to be better.
In order to provide for us, you coached three soccer teams and also taught Spanish. Sometimes I was afraid that you were going to become exhausted and totally "burned out" - and sometimes you were - but you told me it was going to be okay...and it was.
You would fly away to the other side of the country so full of hope, just knowing that things were going to get better for us. And then, after such high spirits you were turned down...again and again and again.
In June of 2010 we lost a little baby - I was passed out on the bathroom floor and you were holding my hand, you rushed me to the hospital and you were so kind, so gentle with me. As doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room with our devastating news, I couldn't think of any other thing except crawling into a hole...in the dark - but I would need you to crawl in there with me. I would be no good without you. They took me away for surgery and you walked with me as far as you could go and said "I love you. Every things going to be okay."
As I grieved for days and days, you were never shaken (on the outside.) You were sad...but you took care of me and our home and gave me time.
The bed bugs came and took over our home, we burned the kids beds and the mattresses and had no money to replace them. Our oldest baby was so troubled...and we knew that something was wrong....and I was so very very scared...and so were you. But you still told me it was going to be okay - and you were growing weary but you believed that everything was going to work out.
Things seemed to get worse from their. Our 900 square foot home was becoming so clasterphobic, the living room became our bedroom...you had to give up coaching to help me take care of our kids on your off days...we were learning about the world of Aspergers and feeling very very inept - you were rejected again...and the bed bugs came back. I wanted to crawl back into that hole....but you didn't let me.
And then...it happened. You got a job. It wasn't the one you wanted....but it was a paycheck and a way for you to move us.
The changes were scary. A new city, a new school for our baby, a job that wasn't paying what we needed, and another little boy showing signs of autism. And I was scared...and you weren't sure that it was going to be okay. You felt like you weren't being able to use your skills...I think you thought that you were being *wasted.*
You would come home with stories of all the patients you were transporting - and even though you couldn't tell...I could tell that you were being used. The elderly people you were taking from hospital to hospital needed someone kind to talk to...and you listened and you cared. You were just what they needed.
There has been several nights in the last year that we have stayed up together...sometimes fighting (not actually mad with each other but with life), other times we have laid in bed, quiet in the dark...giving in to our despair. I think we did dissapear into our hole together - I think maybe that was okay. Sometimes we held each other crying....trying to hold on to the truth that God was going to give us the desires of our heart...because we love Him. We took care of each other then...
And then it happened. The day before your 30th birthday...a phone call and a new job. To some people it would just be a job...to you it is your calling. To me...it's hope.
Happy Birthday Zachary Allen, your family loves you very very much.